It's Been A While

It has been some time since my last blog. The holidays came, I became out of touch with my thoughts and was so comsumed by all the holiday happenings that I have just been lost. Today I find myself needing the place and time to let go of some emotional struggles I have been dealing with for a few weeks now. For me just writing it down sometimes is helpful.

It is hard to make a positive change in your life when you have a life partner that is always flip flopping. For the last few years I have been eagerly struggling to live a christian life and to persue my life in away that I know God would approve. It is very difficult to even put this into words at this moment. I am not the best at wording things. My significant other has struggled for several years with substance abuse issues. When I fell ill, he amazed me at how quick he was to change his life so that he could take care of us. I was always the one that worked two jobs, took care of our child, you know a womens work is never done. I just could not do it anymore. It was killing me. I knew if I did not make a change I was going to be in my grave. So I took the jump. But in dealing with my situation, I don't think he gave himself enough time to completely heal from his own sickness. Between these past several years, he has had some breaking points, I guess you could call it. He is a much better and wiser person when he is not under the influence of others, an of other things. He an I's relationship has been the best it could be at certain times through out the past three years. I thought we were actually developing a mature martial relationship. But now I have been slapped in the face yet again by this demon that will not leave him alone. He knows that I am not happy with his behavior as of late. We have a son that doe's not need this demon in his life for sure. It seems that everytime we are about to embark on a magnificent relationship with God, the devil stick his nose in. At this very moment I am deeply wounded. But I have made a firm decission that I will not let the devil keep me from being the God fearing women that I long to be. I will not let him stop me from trying my hardest to influence my family in their spiritual growth. I know my significant other loves God and believes, it is almost like he is trying to, "Have his cake and eat it too." But that is something God will not allow. It is all or nothing. Am I right in saying that? I cannot love him any less for his failures. I just want him to get the help he needs to put this demon behind us. He always trys doing it alone. Kudo's to him, he has a willpower that I have never seen before. But with the constant return, I know he cannot do it alone this time. Please pray for us.