September 18, 2008

Today had been a pretty good day until I called my spouse at 5 pm. I called to tell him that we (My son an I) were about to leave for school, and to also tell him that I had checked his ipay statement, and to let him know where the bank stands and how much we have left to pay bills with. But he was upset that when he went to look for himself that he could not get into the ipay system. (My Fault) I changed the password last pay period and forgot to tell him. So he had to change it again in order to see it. So all but told me to stay out of his business. Now we have been married 18 years an I have always been the one to pay the bills, go to the bank, post office, call and make arrangements when we cannot pay something, etc....Well no more. He made me mad enough that he don't have to worry about it ever again. Tonight when I return home I am dumping all the bills on his end table and letting him worry about it tomorrow along with working his job. He can figure it all out by himself.

I have desprately got to get my disabiltiy soon. I am going crazy not having my own independence. Until I had to stop work, I never had to depend on no one and the last three years have been a nightmare with him. A control issue is what it is. Well, I surrender.....Have at it ole boy! All I know is that if when I need something and he hasn't got it, he is going to get a mouth full right back. I am tired of him dishing out a little bit to me an it never being enough to get what we need. Bottom line is I am just sick of that whole situation. I have alot of praying to do about this. It steers really bad feelings toward him, an I don't want to feel that way, not at all.

Well, I have to end for now. Pray that I can handle this situation in a very christian way.